The Hard Topic of Sexual Violence

This is an old blog post that was written four years ago where I wrote about my experiences and observations about sexual violence. 

Sexual Violence, Taboo, and Filipino Culture

It’s difficult to write about sexual violence because its a taboo topic. In my Filipino family, sexual assault is the victim’s fault, not the perpetrator. Also, you keep it within the immediate family and don’t tell anyone about the abuse, not even a therapist. Any sexual violence brings shame to the Filipino family.

My Experiences with Sexual Violence

Sexual violence has affected me personally and emotionally. An abusive ex coerced me into sex. I had a friend who left her doctorate program because she feared she would bump into her rapist. Another friend survived incest by her father. I have male friends who also were coerced into sex by their then girlfriends. Sexual violence affects everyone no matter the sex

Rehtaeh Parsons and Megyn Kelly

I clench my fists with anger when I hear stories of rape. One example is Rehtaeh Parsons, a seventeen-year-old who killed herself after being gang-raped and cyber-bullied. I’m furious because I don’t understand the slut-shaming and the name calling. According to Megyn Kelly, a commentator for Fox News, says that females should learn self-defense to avoid rape. But what if its a family member or someone you trust? What if you weren’t drunk? What if you were young and didn’t know any better? Another case is the Steubenville Rape. I found it insane how far the Steubenville School District went to save face and deny sexual abuse charges.

Sexual Violence Towards Males and Chris Brown

Also, what about sexual violence towards males? Why is it when a teenage boy has sex with a much older female, its a victory? It makes me think of Chris Brown’s quote in the Guardian, a British national newspaper, where he says he lost his virginity at eight years old to a local girl who was fourteen or fifteen. According to him, he grew up with a bunch of cousins and watched so much porn with them that he was “raring to go.” I can’t imagine an eight-year-old male having any romantic feelings for a female. Don’t they have cooties?

Double Standards for Males and Females

I feel that sexual violence perpetrates because of the way we treat sexuality in the United States. We have double standards for males and females. Females must stay pure until their married, and men must showcase their virility through their sexual conquests. But if a boy experiences rape, he must frame his abuse as a conquest rather than get help for being exploited. It’s an unfortunate system that I hope will change over time.

Photo By: Jason Barnes [CC BY-SA 3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

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