A Chip on My Shoulder

Mr. Schedenfreude told me that I have a huge chip on my shoulder and I took offense. I didn’t want to be seen as angry all the time. In hindsight, it was probably one of the few compliments he’s ever given me.

I want to save the world, I want everything to be okay. I hate seeing hunger, despair, homelessness, and all the world’s atrocities. Seeing and hearing depressing stories can make me upset for a long period of time, hence a chip on my shoulder. I want everything to be fixed within a snap even though it’s impossible.

  Mr. Squiggleskins tells me I hate people but I have a general compassion for humanity. My brain is either thinking of homeless people or homeless doggies according to him. He’s right for the most part. I prefer being alone or with a small group, despite that I idealize people who have many friends. Also, I am always rooting for the underdog.

Hearing or reading anything about sexual abuse can put me in a tailspin. I remember one of my writing group friends, Miss Poet, told me about how incest was a huge part of her childhood. After she told me, it put me in a deep funk and I kept thinking why some children go through hellish childhoods. I had another friend who was sexually assaulted and she showed me her rapist’s social media account. I wanted to verbally assault him, but Mr. Squiggleskins stopped me and said I could make it worst and that I don’t know the whole story. Watching Kesha go through her arduous trial with her former producer, Dr. Luke, makes me sick. I think it’s horrible that his lawyers want access to her medical files. It will be used against her whether there is conflicting evidence or not. It sets a bad precedent for sexual abuse victims and their families.

Anything dog related makes my heart sing. The ones I especially adore are the ones with one eye, three legs, seniors and anything that is sad looking. In the early stages of our relationship, I made Mr. Squigglekins browse through the L.A. Animal Services listings and determine whether the dog was cute or not. I found the cute ones to be the matted dirty ones likely to be terminated and he found the cute ones to be the normal looking ones likely to be adopted. Dog adoption events are my weakness, I always want to attend one. When I walk past one with Mr. Squiggleskins, I try to make a run for it, but he always pulls me away. I want to adopt all the doggies and give them homes, but it’s not practical.

I often go to downtown L.A. and its hard to see the vast amount of homeless people who are mentally ill, drug addicted and hungry. I want to give my money to all of them, but that’s not possible, I’m struggling myself. There is a huge homelessness emergency happening in L.A. because housing prices are going up and people are being priced out. I feel helpless that I can’t do more expect donate or volunteer my time to organizations that have more resources to help them.

I have a huge chip on my shoulder because I want everything to be happy, healthy and fine. It pisses me off when people lack empathy and compassion. Even though that trauma or event may not immediately affect you, it could still happen to you or someone close to you.

Even though I can’t fix something right away, donating my time and money to organizations such as L.A. on Cloud Nine, Monday Night Mission, and The Sanctuary at Soledad Goats helps even it may be small.

By Courageous Cunts (Hit the road, cunts!) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

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