The Hard Topic of Sexual Violence

It’s difficult to write about sexual violence because its a taboo topic. In my Filipino family, if someone was sexually assaulted, it’s the victim’s fault, not the perpetrator. Also, you keep it within the immediate family and don’t tell anyone about being abused, not even a therapist. Any type of sexual violence brings shame to the Filipino family.

Sexual violence has affected me personally and emotionally. I was coerced into sex by an abusive boyfriend. The same abusive boyfriend was sexually assaulted by one of his friends. My friend left his university because he feared he was going to bump into his rapist. Another friend survived incest by her father.

I clench my fists with anger when I hear stories of people being raped. For example, Rehtaeh Parsons,a seventeen year old who killed herself after being gang raped and cyber-bullied. I’m furious because I don’t understand the slut-shaming and the name calling. According to Megyn Kelly, a commentator for Fox News, says that females should learn self defense to avoid being raped. But what if its a family member or someone you trust? What if you weren’t drunk? What if you were really young and didn’t know any better? Another case is the Stubenville Rape. I found it insane how far the Stubenville school district went to save face and deny sexual abuse charges.

Also, what about sexual violence towards males? Why is it when a teenage male has sex with a much older female, its a victory? It makes me think of Chris Brown’s quote in the Guardian, a British national newspaper, where he says he lost his virginity at eight years old to a local girl who was fourteen or fifteen. According to him, he grew up with a bunch of cousins and watched so much porn with them that he was “raring to go.” I can’t imagine an eight-year-old male having any romantic feelings for a female. Don’t they have cooties?

I have a theory that sexual violence is perpetrated with the way we treat sexuality in the United States. We have double standards for males and females. Females must stay pure until their married, and males must showcase their virility through their sexual conquests. But if a male is raped, he must frame his rape as a conquest rather than get help for being exploited. It’s an unfortunate system that I hope will change overtime.

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