One of my Many Talents, Envy

Envy- To bear a grudge against someone due to coveting what the person has or enjoys.

I am talented at being envious. People tell me not to compare myself to others, but I still do. I don’t know what it is, but I want to be the number one at most things that I do. I’m egotistical and I’m learning to decrease it. It’s hard because my whole entire family is prideful.

In high school, a classmate of mine received the editor-in-chief position in journalism that I coveted. It  irritated me that she received it because she joined the the class in sophomore year. I’ve been there since freshman year! Not going to lie, I resented her, the moderator, and the class for the longest time.  I cried everyday after school and it was hard to get over it because my ego was hurt.

Others asked me, “Why don’t you get over it?” I couldn’t accept it because my pride is huge. Envy and grudges didn’t help me accept the situation, it made it worst. It affected my school life and my personal life.I didn’t like myself  anymore. It wasn’t until a year after I graduated from high school did I accept that I didn’t get the position.

Envy created the delusion for me that my classmate who received the editor-in-chief position was a better person than me. That isn’t true. She and I are different people with different personalities. She and I have different styles of writing. She’s a great person and deserved the Editor-in-chief position. If I received the position I would have worried my eyes out. She had the calm leadership that the class needed.

I didn’t.

Envy has played a role in my downfalls many times. When a romantic relationship fell apart, I grew envious of the next girl my former partners dated. Did I want my partners back?

Not really.

I was mad because they were the ones to end it and not me. I would write angry letters, but they never answered back. Surprise, Surprise.

Envy is still a thorn on my side. I despise it but its a part of me. I find that being grateful has helped me conquer my envious tendencies. I’m taking small steps, but that’s what counts.

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